yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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