yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
