This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
