just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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