i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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