That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
