You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
