I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
