its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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