and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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