Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
