dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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