so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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