Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
