I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
