My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Semen is not good for contacts.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
