soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
