u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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