I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
time to smoke my breakfast
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
NoShamevember. You game?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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