if i can run in heels then i can drive
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
