I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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