I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
