Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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