you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
