I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
