4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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