His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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