Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
