Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
