doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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