Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
