I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
