I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
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