now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
