filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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