I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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