I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Randomize
