thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
