Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
