Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
