just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
