NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
