its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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