I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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