Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
