Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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