i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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