apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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