i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
