That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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